Emotions come in waves, it ebbs and wane hits and retreats. Am currently engulfed by a wave of bitterness for everything that I am never able to get. Certain words and topics these days triggers an instinctive and instantaneous sharp pain. Maybe not pain per se, but it's an internal wince which in its physical form would be someone poking raw flesh after a bloody fall. It's so immediate and all consuming that a split second afterwards I'm left wondering if the wince showed on my face as in its actual meaning. And then another split second to arrange my features to a look of apathetic composure just in case. And then the next to check if anyone caught on.
Not quite in the mood for anyone these days. Just want to live out a hermit life in peace, since I can't get the life I really want anyway.
The amount of stress I've been facing these two days is scary. On top of having a tonne of work assignments despite my byline drought for the whole of the weekdays, university applications worry me so much. Particularly when people are getting calls and offers and interviews left right centre and it takes so much of me to be all "weilin, you submitted the application rather late, they haven't seen it yet" when people ask if I'm going for whatever.
In this time when everything everyone does affects me in one way or another, I just want to roll myself up in bubble wrap and be stored away safely in a box till it's all over.
Serenity prayer.