never mind that i probably cannot remember half the things that i compile and the examples i use during gp are usually off the top of my head and haphazardly elaborated upon.
back to loving studying for gp- it also allows me to blog on the pretext of practicing my written English.
i am abnormally cheery although i have a crick in my neck and We (the royal We) have officially run head first into the A levels. The A Levels. Okkkkkk, whatever. no, not really. the other day i was thinking about my options and as much i would like to illustrate that diagrammatically on a beautiful tree diagram- i just don't know how to ok. but basically it looks like this:
Possible Outcome 1: Do Well For As 2: Don't Do Well For As
From 1, 3. ***Get into Overseas College(s) of Choice 4. Don't get into Overseas College(s) of Choice
From 3, 5. Get Scholarship 6. Don't get Scholarship
From 4 and 6, Apply locally for desired courses
From 5, Die Happy
From 2, Die.
But somewhere around getting water from the kitchen this morning and walking back to the chair in my room which i spend 1000 hours sitting on, i told myself that the A levels isn't everything. I refuse to subscribe to the popular belief that your education defines you and that how I do for my As is going to determine my happiness for the rest of my life. People will say that this A levels is the most important exam of your life and you've been working up to this moment for 6 years blah blah blahity blah and while it is true that it is going to determine your future in the sense of perhaps the exact location or education facility that you are going to be in, i refuse to let a bunch of exams break me. While it may also be true that it could also facilitate the achievement of my dreams, it is not my dream and it's not the only way Rome. or USA, whatever.
I'm not saying this to indemnify myself from the plausible carnage of A levels, I did work hard despite lapses of concentration. But amongst the barrage of nerves, fear and hyperventilating going around, i think a reality check is what i need the most.
After all, they do say that the only way to rid yourself of the fear of death is the acceptance that you are going to die ****. While out for dinner at Longhouse yesterday (omg, the cardinal sin of taking a break), i peeled my eyes out for fellow wane sallow looking individuals that are the quintessential JC2 students at this time of the year. now that was neither here nor there. still, crossing fingers, may peace (and the force) be with us.
**** We are not going to die, we are going to be brilliant. of course, i want to be brilliant and i do not contemplate anything other than the dream of getting all As.
is this sounding a bit contradictory? whatever, deal with it*****
***** A levels make me angsty