the most critical eye is the one you cast over yourself.

i miss... being asked questions about myself. it's difficult for me to volunteer information sometimes. i feel that i must entertain when i tell people things and my life is too filled with banalities for any of it to be amusing. although objectively, which a level student's life could possibly be anything exciting right now? it's easier to ask questions. people love to talk about themselves. their seemingly endless list of problems, feelings and hopes. ask me, ask me and genuinely want to know what i think. listening is a lost art, so is providing adequate responses. many listen and provide anecdotes of their own lives, slip in rants about their problems and think that it is somehow what others want to hear after splicing their heart open in hope and desperation. is that why people go for therapy? these people are paid to sit there and listen to you. just listen. i'm perfect for therapy. except that i would rather talk to a rock than pay someone to listen to me.

dear rock, thanks for asking. my favourite carol ann duffy poems are The Grammar of Light, Prayer, Miles Away and Girlfriends. i'm recently in love with The Vaccine and The Cure and i just realised how funny that sounds- i guess i must really be in need for some kind of panacea. So am i with Sugar Ray but it wouldn't have fit in that joke. the 90s had some awesome music. sometimes i think i'm so wrapped up in other people i don't know who i am anymore, other times i bury myself in dramas that attempt to convince me that life can be exciting, i just need to try harder.

while i would like to be a manic pixie dream girl and light up the lives of people, i think i need a manic pixie myself to help me remember what life is really about and who i am underneath all these expectations and implanted desires.