Currently: a general dissatisfaction with life

listening to different music puts me in different moods, The Cure makes me want to jump around a bit on a beach, Stolen-Dashboard Confessional makes me want to run through barley fields, Jay Chou songs make me imagine my life/wish that my life was a Jay Chou MV

something about melodrama appeals to a part of me, the yearning to portray yourself as a tragic figure. the words are all not coming nicely today because there are 20 minutes left to Shut Down Time.

in torrential rains i inevitably think of sandcastles on the beach and random questions about any and every part of our lives. huddling under umbrellas but getting half wet anyway. what is it about memory that paints over everything with gloss? guck that are half made of your own desires and half from cinematic scenes you've watched repeated over and over again.

it is notoriously difficult for me to keep in touch with people. some days i wonder how everyone i have ever known is doing, how have they changed and have their dreams come true? when people you thought you knew become strangers.

it's been long since i did any thinking in the from of retrospection or just.. daydreaming.

isn't it strange how i have somewhat started to like running? i have discovered i run best when my stomach is filled with red hot anger- it does not happen much but fuel made up of any sort of negativity is an approximation. on days when your bones are heavy, running is the only way to feel like you're alive. there's no fun in running slow, running fast feeling the wind cut across your face and running running till it hurts (for me that usually happens pretty quickly #fail #doublefail using hashtag cuz im not even a twitter)

ok 4 minutes, to be safe i will go now.