Confessions: Debates

SPDO marks the last tourney of my debating life in rv and a debate with a bunch of ahnehs is The Last Debate.

I've been in debates since sec 2 (omg) i.e. i've committed 4 years of my life in debates and it makes me sad to think that I will am now Alumni and will never debate for my team and school again. Debates to me is so much more than just a cca wing of eldds, debates has taught me many things and shaped who i am today.

i remember my first debates training like it was yesterday- i.e. being scared after hearing rumours about jeremiah being damn scary and throwing markers at people LOL.

Debates has taught me....

1. more than Lang Arts or GP has EVER taught me -_-

2. dedication.

3. how to deal with loss

4. the balance between pride and being humble

5. what it means to be an underdog

6. to be more vulgar

the unique experience of being in rv debates accrues (there you go, estelle ;) )a lot to the perpetual underdog feeling that you get in the circuit. i've long accepted how rv just does not have a culture of debating nor respect for debating and i truly think a culture of debates is the hallmark of a good school. debates is the convergent point of knowledge, communication skills, logic, improvisation and multitasking. it instills in you a greater sensitivity towards the nuances of issues and a rationality that can apply anywhere. oh plox and in class debates are just lame kthnxbai.

it is this paranoia that debaters will look at your school and immediately think that you suck, which perpetually makes me feel that we have a point to prove. the point that no, not all rv kids are only concerned with science and mugging, we can do debates too. it also this that breeds the insecurity that continues to haunt- that you will never be good enough.

every loss hurts, particularly when it is extremely close (comparing upwards only, of course. i have my pride too). you just kill yourself for the missed opportunities and the little things, because every damn thing counts. if i could, i'd redo every loss. i hate losing. i hate sitting there on the floor, listening to the adj justify why you lost. i hate the awkwardness after and the sadness of it all, for a loss is so pivotal to breaking.

omg, i used to cryyyyy so bad when we lost the pivotal round that will stop us from breaking -_- . walao 2 years in jgs team = 2 years of crying la -_- nb

for a period of time, i had accepted losing as natural. i was intimidated by brand name schools and accepted and internalised the eventuality that we would end up losing. i had accepted that breaking will always be a faraway dream and i was used to turning up for only preliminary rounds. it was terrible that i felt this way not to mention how much of an ego bashing it was, but i felt that that period humbled me.

but somehow along the way, i really wanted to win. and by that i mean i REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY wanted to win. ok let's not go too far, i wanted to just break and take things from there. it is rather infectious, somehow. and in that, perspectives changed. a name is a name and often people aren't as good as they make themselves out to be. you know you're not that far off and if you work hard enough, you will get there. and so we did. fuck it man we worked our asses off or just to put things into perspective we worked harder than we have ever worked and tried our best to improve as much as we can in a short period of time (stupid fact sheets and daily articles they were such a pain in the ass)

because i wanted so much to win, it was so heartbreaking that we didn't break intercolls. i had initially looked upon SPDO as a leng leng anyhow la last debate liao play for fun. but somehow, "playing for fun" and "for the experience" no longer applies anymore. in for the kill.

do you see it now? do you see how things were for me? to know me, is to know how debates had shaped me. i find it hard to talk about debates except with debaters and my team because such abstract feelings can be comprehended but not easily understood in its entirety.

to end off, i must say how much i luv luv luv luv luvvvvvvv my team (: queenie and yijin are the best team mates anyone could ask for. of course, the lack of people in our levels makes any other permutation impossible but it is also because of that which gave us all the more opportunities to make our synergy possible. i love this team where we can work hard together, prep together, crap together and then make frisbee jokes together ;) we're good together guys and we've come a long way together.

we've come a long way together.