hmm.
lots of mixed feelings lately.
jc students need lots of
1. sleep
2. ice-cream (preferably haagen daz/island creamery)
3. love
let me sleep, feed me ice cream and love me, please.
i always like to think of words flowing from my fingertips, dark as ink and swirling over yellowed pages. or necklaces of macaroni alphabets dancing from my mouth and into ears. words just aren't flowing these days, perhaps because day by day, i find that i have less things to say to everyone. sometimes, i find it difficult to sustain a conversation because i feel plain. nothing new. no new thoughts, no new people, no new happenings. just routine. stereotypes. day after day. just plain. i feel my gut tighten and let out little squeaks of panic at my plainness. but i live. life's plain, but i exist, i try to live.
trying out for a couple of new things in june, hopefully i get into those things and maybe things will be okay again. or something else. maybe. then again, i feel that these things are just distractions, to distract me from the general horridness of it all. little sanity pockets. hmm what's that they say? someone once told me in jc, you've got to be happy about the little things. that's how you survive. little sanity pockets.
what to do now?
but dive into my Wide Sargasso Sea.