maybe not all. but relatively a lot.
yaya who am i to complain.but i feel like screaming gajillions vulgarities into the nearest person's ear and knocking their teeth out. unfortunately, the person is daddy dearest so that isnt a very good idea.
jealousy, turning saints into the sea.
i hatehatehate this feeling. i feel like a total loser la. some pathetic debater who cant debate to save her life. i want to complain and ramblerambleramble on and on and on. but this is the internet where people can find this as easily as i found theirs.
no matter what, i feel pathetic. i feel like banging my jail cell and screaming "IM NOT CHEENA" and tearing the underdog sign that hangs around my neck.
perhaps the situation isnt that bad, in reality it probably isnt as well. but it sure feels like it, knowing that you have to show everybody (literally everybody) that we are not what they seem, that we are not slackers from a clubs&societies, that we are not cheenapunks who cant debate.
internally and externally there are so many stereotypes. slackers, cheenapeople. darling, we've heard it all. alright maybe not all. a few's bad enough.
"maybe if you ask them nicely, they can describe the feeling of winning to you."
it just kindof pisses me off that they seem to be able to get what they want so easily. it doesnt even take much effort you know. sometimes with a reputation and sufficient support, these opportunities simply just drop into your lap. It sure feels great knowing that we're not smart enough, not stylish enough, not good enough.
not enough for more support, not enough for more people, not enough for special little things like that.
and i realise that you know, nobody really gives a flying damn. theyre just cosily sitting on their thrones and not knowing what is it like to have to constantly dispel ridiculous stereotypes that we get so unfairly stuck to. not knowing what its like to be stunned by the well to put it vaguely, treatment we get.
the only thing i take comfort in is that we are all in this together.
we can truly savour the feeling of success because we've wallowed in failure. (who defines failure anyway? if we are poor but happy, while others are rich and sad, who's the success, whos the failure?) if we suck now, its alright coz we are sucking together.
eL loves our lahs walaos and our singggglish. we love acting out scenes like crazy ahbengs at the coffeeshop asking for neng gi TIGER and hun gi. we adore being hiphop fortune tellers and playing kungfu in the middle of the studio. i love my adorable cheenapunks.
we are self sufficient, the passion will keep us going.
I LOVE EL!