what tires me most about school is mindless small talk with people who don't really care and that i don't really care about. it makes me endlessly sad that the people i want to be around with are simply not around/not a part of my daily life anymore. this blends itself into a brand of loneliness that i cannot grapple with. alone in a cafe of strangers with coffee and a book is wondrous but alone in a room of faces you've exchanged words with occasionally with nobody you can really call a friend, that really kills me. i squirm in my seat and check my phone, tweet in anguish and send out desperate messages.

am at a very strange place right now and i dont know what to do but sink. ...