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turning saints into the sea
Friday, December 30, 2011 11:27 PM

is it a bit late for me to finally realise that everyone has their own life to lead? now that school's out for good, i realise how unlikely it is that i will ever see someone i know randomly in the corridors again and stop for a chat. to meet people these days, chat for 5 minutes, you need to check your schedules and undergo tentative negotiation, eventually fixing a date time and place. and that somehow makes me feel all the more lonelier. i miss those days when everyone was within reach. circumstances bring people closer and the shared terror that was school is over.

life is taking all of us in different directions and ten years down the road, i wonder if i can still put names to the faces i love dearly now. how long will it be before the sidestep whisper "i used to know him from high school" begins? before the "catch up soon" that never materialises? when the easy natural friendships turn into awkward socialisation with almost-strangers? it is inevitable. time does that to people. maybe because i didnt keep any of my friends in primary school, even the one i thought would be there to be my baby's godmother, i have little faith in "friends forever" and have no doubt about the ruthlessness of time.

it has occurred to me occasionally but i guess now i'm really feeling it. feeling the whole everyone has their own places to be and dreams to pursue. the lack of constants in my life, friends and dare i say school, makes everyday seem all the more daunting. i suppose i should look upon it as an opportunity, the day is how i make it to be! i could marvel vs capcom my brains out if i want to! lie in bed all day! volunteer at a homeless shelter! help old people cross the street! make my first million from a dollar! but i miss the constants that are my friends.

is this what being an adult is like? a constant haunting nostalgia for what you had and not treasured?

another part of adult life that i abhor: my dead end minimal wage job. telemarketing in a grey office. ringing up middle aged people and promoting insurance. going through the spiel over and over again. IF they don't hang up first.

for the record ive not been totally miserable. ive actually been rather happy most of the time. just that you know how it gets. unhappy = blog. happy = dont blog. yep.