xxkill

i wish there were multiple realities and i could exist in all of them at the same time or perhaps switch channels as i like. the quest for perfection makes me sick yet it embodies the understanding that the only thing you can control in life is yourself. at the same time, i wish to be beautiful- devastating and larger than life. i'm tired all the time and have been so unproductive these few days i just want to let go and not look back. but i will grit my teeth and hang on because life after As will be beautiful, filled with endless possibilities but also difficult decisions and the future, as it is uncertain now, will be certain then.

"But on the wild nights who can call you home? Only the ones who know your name"

-fastingonwords.tumblr, oranges, jeanette winterson

("look chang, stalking u!" KIDDING to both chang and khoo ;D)

it's so difficult to put it into words and countless writers have tried, in an attempt to pin down the intangible.at the end, what is the best that you can do? but approximate it to words, images and common knowledge. it is never sufficient, we can live in books, plots and movies, but it is a journey that invites your own discovery, none of which the same, and not some ideal dictated from the enlightened. you need to feel. it is in the universe, it is in the alignment of stars. it is in the second of unadulterated fission, it is in the unique parfum of skin. it is in the warmth between clasped hands and in the quiet weight of comfort. it is in looks that you can read without words and laughter that you can categorise into its occasions. do you understand it now? so often, we seek for understanding and commonality in experience and feelings to gauge and set standards by which to measure how much we love and how much we've lived. when sometimes, it isn't necessary at all.

get well soon

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