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Thursday, October 12, 2006 10:29 PM

you know. sometimes i really wish blogger would check itself into a mental hospital. i took practically 15 minutes to get into it. each page takes a few minutes to load. like wth?!?!

sighs. wells.. i guess these few days havent been going well. the few days grace of not knowing results were totally insufficent.

(rawrs. just recieved an sms that put an even bigger dampener on my mood. that person can never fail to CHEER me up you know. well whatever. i have bigger problems now and i dont need ur constant accusations)

sighs. endless tears have been shed these few days. even the atmosphere seems different when exams come into the topic. its quickly changed with a "aiyah dont talk about exams alr".

(another sms. another dampener. ARGH. feel like throwing phone out of the window)

sighs. im totally not living up to my expectations. my whole family pins hopes on me. grandparents aunties extended family included.im supposed to be like this "child prodigy" who is a role model to my adorable little cousins. and my studies and everything is the best too. not im my class, but among my family. but i cant live up to it.. i may be able to last time but not anymore..

my results officially sucks luh. i know its not the worse but all the same. in my eyes, bad is when i dont live up to my expectations.. my ENGLAND has deproved.. and im disappointed. reallyreally disappointed. how could i get 10 for comprehension?!?! and i know it is my fault! i didnt study hard enough! i ignored hoo's past year papers! i was away in lala land during the paper! my head was threatening to use it as a pillow during the entire duration!

HOW CAN THIS HAPPEN TO ME?!

chatted with cherie just now. cherie said she changed since coming to secondary sch.. and although the fact is easier to deny, i cant but help conclude that i have too. despite endless rebuttals to my mummmmy that im still the same innocent 6f-er. ive become more heck-care, irresponsible and playful as ever.

and you know what. i really regret it. really. really. pure regret.

how could i have been ignoring the pile of projects? how could i miss my flash dateline! how could i forget about my PE quiz! how could i not care more about my dnt! how could i not do my malay! how could i been copying homework at school as i slack at night! how could i not pay attention in physics and bio! how could i how could i!

as i realise just how many things i had blatantly ignored, im close to tears. all this is graded! and i didnt give a single hoot about it!

im sorry. this time its not something to make my parents stop nagging.
i promise. i reallyreally promise. next year. im going to try harder.
my sec one year may be in tatters, an ugly stain on the report book, but im not gna let it get me down. im going to strive. i have to strive.

sorry for this melodramatic post. its kind of all crap and venting of frustrations.

anyways. blogger has finally (taken more than one business day!) to ensure my blog isnt a spam blog. thanks for all your tags guys. haha i esp have to thank sonjia.she has been saying how she see i so sad then tag five times at once. will start again and reply kays. ><>


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