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Monday, April 01, 2013 9:54 AM

words are failing very badly of late. for the lack of better recourse, i will stew in it until i understand it. or better yet, forget it because i have a poor memory and it is less painful.

off to school.
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Sunday, March 31, 2013 11:49 PM

how do you communicate good intentions i just get lost in translation


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Saturday, March 23, 2013 12:43 AM

it has been a busy couple of days/weeks, first i was busy with school work then i got busy going out and having (too much) fun that leaves me very tired. think i need to be bored for a bit but when that happens i will be groaning like a bitch.

thoughts of late:

if we do not work out, i think i will be eternally tired. how do people twirl men round their fingers and dangle them like toys? i cannot possibly open my heart t

there are friends who readily update you the moment you meet and then there are those who claim to be so tight but looking back, you don't really know anything about them at all.

and because i need to stop not-publishing my posts every time,

published. 
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musings
Tuesday, March 12, 2013 12:39 AM

8.25 AM

thinking: i am not tireless, nor can i even call myself patient. i can barely run my own life, let alone chase.

7.27 PM
some things i like:
the word skedaddle
the way my tutor pronounces "i" sounds in a word: words like is sounds like ees and promise sounds like promeese, it is extremely adorable

12.24 AM

there is no first anywhere else but ours, others fade like skin cells on lips and fingertips. made hazy by alcohol and bedazzled with the magical dust of hindsight and nostalgia. visions merge into shared dreams as we creep into the future with a quiet bravery- to understand, trust and love. there are no what-ifs where we live, only here and nows, as sure and as real as clasped hands and a wall of chest.
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Wednesday, February 27, 2013 10:39 PM

"sometimes being in my own head is so exhausting it makes me want to cry" - Girls
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Tuesday, February 26, 2013 1:50 AM

the past couple of days sans lawr has been rather good

catching up with juniors over waffletown
Beautiful Creatures
a lazy sunday
first ever mutton soup that left me very literally left me very hot round the collar
sam willows at windowsill pie
the birdy that made my monday
six episodes of Girls

interspersed with thoughts about

class-
mobility
money
family
friends(')
interest
and their lack thereof

i think i spend too much time and effort chasing after people who don't seem to care very much. the lack of positive development sends me into a sick cycle- being all the more determined to hang on to people who always seem like they have better people to be with and better things to do, consequently neglecting others. especially since i think things like friendship are mostly a matter of will, if you care enough, your presence will be felt in one way or another. that or people just dgaf. i think somewhere along the way, i have whittled down the number of people in my heart and being a friend doesnt mean the same thing to me now as it did back then. it was to make more space for the ones already in there, but maybe i should have made some shoebox apartments and rented out the rooms instead (OK NVM BAD METAPHOR I KNOW!!!!)

maybe i should just accept that people change circumstances change and move on as everyone seems to have done. yes. that.

there is a guitar lying on my floor right now and although i can't tell the difference between a fret and a g-string think it still ups the cool factor in my room by like a gazillion points.




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Thursday, February 21, 2013 10:09 PM


how long does it take before all the faces meld into one under the deceit of the neon nights? etch a pseudonym into the corner on the wall of a room no one knows about and where the cuts meet fingertips, is where hands hung off firm shoulders in the bracing chill of a highway after the music stops. another dead name hangs on a noose as a reminder and yet comes crawling out of the yellow wallpaper. how do these sweaty bodies never get jaded? why do some names never die?

you thought you could fly but you are Icarus
and Lucifer was once an angel

no Carol, I will not be any of their wives.

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